So Close, Yet So Far

And now the wind has dropped. We still have 27 miles to go and are doing
about 2 knots. So much for an early lunch?

Doing It Again.

Given the opportunity to do the race again, would I do it? No way. Not only
were there plenty of compliance rules that I thought added nothing to the
safety of the boat, but there were far too many hidden costs which we would
not have had to pay if we'd simply sailed across the pond. And I am fierce
critic of sailing to a schedule - I think it is positively dangerous being
forced to leave at a fixed time and date, no matter what the circumstances
are eg foul weather or lack of availability of parts because all the
suppliers are closed for the silly season and so on.

Would I like to cross the South Atlantic Ocean again? For the sake of
crossing an ocean, it's an easy sail. The trade winds are gentle and there
are no tricky continental shelves or nasty currents. Unless you arrive there
courtesy of a cattle-class seat in a Boeing 747, the biggest problem is
getting to Cape Town before setting off. The South African coast is nasty in
the worst possible way and that is a stretch of ocean that I would not like
to do again.

Thank You

The fat lady has not quite sung yet - we still have just over 30 miles to
go, so there is still a little time left for things to change.

My crew have been fantastic; there has not been one fight or niggle between
us, despite very nearly four weeks of being cramped into such a confined
space. Given the opportunity to do the race again, would I take the same
team? Yes, absolutely.

Well done guys and thank you for making it such fun.

And while I am about it, thank you too all of you that sent SMS's to the
SatPhone. They were always well received.

Round The Island Yacht Race

On a man-made lake, about an hour south of Johannesburg, The Round The
Island Yacht is held annually. This year, they are hoping to attract enough
entries too break the Guinness Book Of Record's record for the most number
of entries in a regatta on inland waters. The distance of the race is about
20 miles. That's nothing. We've just sailed a much longer version of Round
The Island and it was over 3600 miles. The island being St Helena. Take
that, sports-lovers.

Post-Race Intentions

Lloyd, one of Loram's drinking buddies, has asked what my post-race
intentions are? Lloyd, that's getting a bit personal, but since you asked; I
intend tracking down a young Brazilian lady whose morals match those of my
exacting standards. We shall drink a few drinks, probably exchange the few
niceties that I know in Portuguese and that she may know in English. I may
then
offer to share a condom with her.

After that, my motto of "I don't have a plan and am sticking too it" kicks
in.

High Standards Aboard Stingo

The elder-salts of the sea would probably say "Pah. Them Stingo dudes are
soft - hot showers and a decent cooked meal every day. In them ol' days, we
'ad it tough. Soft I say, they're soft".
Despite having been at sea for nearly a month, we say "Hey granddad, with
the advances in modern design and technology, that's the way the ice-cream
melts" and that is why we were able to enjoy fruit salad and ice-cream for
desert last night.

Happy Hour

Our ETA is still 08:48 am (Brazilian time - 12:48 SA time) tomorrow morning
(Fri 30th Jan) - give or take a few minutes. The boys must be eager too set
foot ashore, because they check and then double check the ETA on the GPS
every ten minutes or so. The ETA-checking is getting far more attention than
the lookout for unlit fishing boats at night - of which we've seen a few.

Does anyone know a pub in Salvador that has a Happy Hour starting at about
9:00am?

That Drain is Alive

Loram has just popped his head through the saloon door and said "Yep"?
"I didn't say anything" I replied, thinking he had just called me! It's that
life-like gurgling drain that Goble-I'll-Never-Do-Another-Cooking-Duty
mentioned in his update the other day. Last night I mentioned to Loram that
I thought it sounded a lot like his voice. He said that he thought it
sounded a lot like the way I mumble & grumble when I wake up.

Maybe we've been a sea too long.

Bang Again

Yep, the spinnaker threw it's toys out of the cot and split again.
Fortunately, not anywhere near as badly as the first time, so down it came,
out came the sewing machine, a few expletives were thrown about, back into
it's sock it went - with resistance, which meant more expletives - and an
hour later, it was up again. Getting it into it's sock was a challenge, but
we have learned for next time.

Voortrekker

Probably South Africa's most famous racing yacht, Voortrekker, has just gone
screaming past us. We called them up on the VHF and asked them to get
reasonably close by so that we could take some photos of them. They more
than obliged and when just ahead, called us to say that they had put a book
about the boat's history into a plastic bottle and thrown it overboard for
us to collect. We collected it and it will be one of the books that I keep
aboard Stingo with pride.

Goble-Warming Retires From Galley Duty

Goble-Warming is as pleased as the proverbial pig. Today is the very last
time that he will be on cooking & cleaning duty. I hope he makes another
babootie - it's the only meal that he's cooked, that has been a real
success. I think I may challenge him too see if he can do it using only two
pots and not the entire set aboard Stingo.

Not Far To Go

Everyday at 7:00 am GMT, we report our position to the Race Office via
email, HF radio or SatPhone. Our position this morning is only 350 NM from
the finish. I was talking with Loram last night and we agreed that the days
have already blended into just a (very) few memorable ones - and we haven't
even finished the journey yet. On both of my other Atlantic crossings, the
same thing happened and when I think back, the days have all blended into
one. I suppose it is like a skiing holiday, where the same thing happens. Oh
well, at least it's been great fun with these guys and despite the confined
space, there have been no clashes of personality.

Language Barriers

Everyday, at noon, most of the entrants fire up their two-way radios and
have a little chin-wag amongst themselves. It's mostly mundane stuff e.g.,
we baked bread, we hit 7 knots, we caught a fish... and so on. Yesterday, we
overheard the following conversation between a French boat and either an
American or Canadian boat. If you can, try read this dramatized (note the
American spelling) version of their conversation with the appropriate
accent.
American "We caught a 6 ft marlin yesterday and managed to get about 25lb of
meat off it".
French "Well done, pleez tell me what colour lure you were using"?
American "Hi, a lure is something you tie onto the end of the line when you
are fishing".
French "Yez, I know zat, but what colour are you uuzing"?
American "A lure is the thing that has the hook in it and actually hooks the
fish".
French "I know what a fucking lure is. Just tell me what colour you used".
American "When we get to Brazil, I will come and see you and explain what a
lure is".
French "And explain if eet ezz red or green or blue".
American "OH!! You want to know what colour the lure is"?
French "Oui"
American "Oh I don't know. Hold on, I'll have to ask the fisherman we have
on board".

A Message for BigNick & YBW

Nick (& all of you that have sent us an SMS or two)

Thanks for the SMS's, they're gratefully received.

If you recall when parahandy, paddywackercocker and one other did that
TransAt with TCM, I lent them my satellite tracking toy, which enabled the
forum to track their progress over the pond, via Google Earth. That very
same device is now permanently plumbed into Stingo. If you scroll down to
where you found the "Send a FREE SMS" link, just below that is another link
that says "Where Am I Now", which gives the instructions on how to check our
position on Google Earth.

When I typed this message, our position was 13° 44.7S 030° 25.8W and we
were doing 8.8 knots in the right direction. Our top surfing speed is
currently 14.4 knots SOG. Pity we cannot sustain it for longer than about
10 seconds.

Hope all is well in your hemisphere and that the rest of the forumites are
keeping it clean.

Cheers

John

A Message From Globle-Warming

We have just cracked the 500 NM miles-to-go mark. The repaired spinnaker is
pulling us along at over 7 knots and each of us on watch last night recorded
surfs of over 14 knots. The swell plays a huge part in out boat speed. At no
time on this trip has it been abnormally big. In fact, any day-sail off
Durban would produce bigger swell.

What does matter is the direction and the disturbance of the swell. The
apparent wind confuses the autopilot and boat yaws in an arc of up to 20°
because it has no keel.

The faster we go, the more noise we have to put with. The propeller spinning
in neutral produces a high-pitched whine, a sound we now love to hear. The
traveller of the mainsail has a annoying squeak and water syphons up the
drains of the three sinks, making a life-like gurgling noise. But loudest of
all is the bang as the bottom of the bridgedeck slams on the top of a swell
as we loose one surf and start another.

Two of us or perhaps three, have developed compulsive behaviour disorders. I
am accused of eating too many jelly babies. Steve has got over his eating
problems - in fact he now eats less than all of us - however, Sudoku
consumes him. He does it morning, noon and night. Long past level five, he
needs the challenge of a higher level. He's just going to have to hold out
for another three days.

As for "Hmmm, that's nice, Loram", he has developed a nesting syndrome. Two
days ago, he scrubbed the decks. He is constantly wasting precious water by
washing his clothes. He even folds his shirts. During the first part of the
trip, he awoke early for his watch duty. He has now developed a sleeping
disorder and we find it difficulty to wake him - he slept right through the
spinnaker bursting.

John has decided to open a sail loft when he gets to Brazil. He needs a
large open room and ten nubile ladies to do the sewing. If making sails
fails, he can change the nature of the business.

Cheers from all of us on Stingo.

Update on Our ETA

Silly me! I should have put a date to our ETA. Thanks Lloyd for pointing out
my lack of attention too detail. Our ETA for the early hours of the 30th of
January 2009.

Current ETA

Touch wood, the repaired spinnaker is still behaving itself and we are
flying along at a great rate of knots. At our present average speed, we
should be tied up in Salvador by 9:00 am local time (midday SA time). The
original cut-off date was midday on the 31st, but because of the light
conditions that we've had, the race organisers have extended it to 15:00 GMT
on the 1st February with prize giving a few hours afterwards. There are
plenty of boats that are not expected to make it in time for the all
important prize-giving, which is good news for us (in a nasty sort of way).
If they don't make the cut-off and are currently ahead of us on corrected
time, we will leap ahead of them in the placings. But then you already knew
that I am not a fan of the way handicaps are worked out.

A Geography Lesson

The basics:
- there are 360° in a circle which means there are the same number of
degrees around the earth.
- if you divided 360° by the 24 hours in a day, each 15° west that you move
(we're moving west) means there is an hour time change.
- if you send a dirty, smutty SMS to Loram/Baartman or Goble-Warming (the
dirty old man wishes he did receive some) at 08:00 South African time, it
currently arrives on the SatPhone at 05:00 am local time, when three out of
four of us are asleep.
- the SatPhone, just like a cell phone, emits an irritating beep-beep when a
message arrives and those that are asleep, jump a further 60°west with
fright, which is why a geography lesson applies.

Update from Loram

Howzit Guys

Here is a new recipe your guts must try sometime , it called Goble's crumbed
French toast

Take 6 eggs , mix up in bowl , then 1 slice of bread , then soak until you
have at least four of them hanging on , the bread must be falling apart by
then put in a frying pan, break it up some more, then serve, Serving
suggestions- Eat in a bowl with a spoon and loads of chutney.

On the whole the guys have been pretty polite about each others cooking , it
goes something like this

" MMMM this nice, please pass the chutney", the food normally turns orange
after that. Our chutney stock has reached critically low levels and Pete
rationed us to 1 table spoon each with his Babootie the other evening, which
I have to admit did not need any, it must go down as one of the best meals
we have had. But I did contribute, Pete fished the raisons out my muesli in
the morning, which John ate. In his defence, he didn't know that they have
been saved for Pete's Babootie. Carolyn - thanks for the recipe book - it
has saved us a few times.

Also our bread baking has become a bit competitive, Steve and John have
found a packet of flour that seems to work better. Peter was very forgiving
the other day when he put his bread in the oven and I accidentally switched
the gas off after making a cup of tea, an hour later Peter came up ready to
take his bread out- we delayed lunch another hour , and the result was
pretty close to a brick.

We had 4 days of hardly any wind which was quite frustrating . Yesterday
morning after a great night we were getting quite excited until the
spinnaker burst - I was asleep at the time and when I came up and asked why
we were sailing on jib and wasting this wind, John pulled another Failed
prank with a fake email from the organisers that we need to slow down,
anyway- this was a real let down and the mood on the boat definitely changed
along with the boat speed. After working out how he was going to fix it John
pulled out his sewing machine - the saloon was filled with a spinnaker that
I must be honest I was apprehensive about whether it was fixable, After 5
hours of John sewing - 3 rolls of spinnaker tape and the rest of us walking
up and down with 1 side of the sail and then trying find the other side - it
was fixed and flying - it took our boat speed up by at least 1,5 kts and
arrival time by 1 and half days- it held through the night lets hope it will
continue to do so. We celebrated with 1 ice cold beer each - Steve's lasted
about 10 minutes - he really savoured every sip. I must say well done John.

Till later

Smuggling Unprotected Species

Once we arrive, I hope the Brazilian authorities don't search Stingo.
They've bound to find the family of cockroaches that I accidently killed
yesterday. To be honest, it wasn't so accidental, because there was a can of
Doom pointing very much in their direction, with the nozzle firmly pressed.
The nasty little castaways were living in the same locker as my sewing
machine and were probably doing nightly raids on our meagre victuals.
Thieving bastards!

A Woman's Work is Never Done

All you female fans will probably simply say "Pah, easy", but please
understand that too a man, a sewing machine, despite "machine" being part of
the noun, is an object that is totally foreign to our psyche and it has
things like needles and thread too contend with. With that in mind, after
Loram yet again said 'pah' to our poor attempt at a prank, yesterday
afternoon I pulled out the sewing machine and plugged it into the inverter.
The spinnaker no longer has a rip down both sides or all the way across it's
upper centre and is pulling us along nicely again. I am especially proud of
the job done because I have never sewn a sail, never mind attempting to
learn to sew while bobbing about in the middle of the Atlantic.

So girls, pah to your it's easy - the spinnaker is nearly 16 metres tall and
I only had a cramped saloon to work in.

BANG!!!

Say Bang. No, say it louder than that. Come on, you light-weight, even
louder. BANG!!! Yep, that's almost loud enough. Now shout "Fuck, fuck, the
spinnaker has burst" and picture Goble-Warming going into panic mode and
Perry trying to wake up, get out of bed and work out what has happened.

Fortunately, it is only a seam that has come adrift and being a properly
prepared boat, Stingo has a sewing machine on board. Guess who is going to
learn to sew once we arrive in Brazil? Unfortunately, this has extended our
ETA by a day, so we expect to be there, possibly too late, on Friday night
for an ice cold cervesa.

It's time to get Loram back (Nix & Lloyd, no SMS's about this please). When
he wakes up, we're going to tell him we received a message from the race
organisers saying that there is no berth available for us until Sunday
morning (which will be a little late for prize giving), so we should plan
our arrival accordingly. Hence we've taken the spinnaker down.

EDIT: I faked an email from the race organisers and sent it too myself. When
Loram woke up, we showed it to him. He was immediately suspicious that we
were cooking up a tall story. Only after his second inspection of the fake
email, did he actually believe it and henceforth, went off in a rant about
"poor organisation" and "they cannot do that". Fortunately, he didn't check
my sent folder.

A Message For Mrs Goble-Warming

When you attempted to give Mr Goble-Warming a few kitchen skills, you
neglected to teach him the basics of dishwashing. Poor old Steve, whose
position on the roster means that he is always on cooking duty after
Goble-Warming has to re-wash the dishes before he can start his duties.
We've tried speaking to GW about basic standards, but it skids off his head
like a greasy left-over. Except for the fact that the babootie that he
cooked, was excellent, need I say more?

More Watermaker Problems

The problem that we now have with the watermaker, is that the water it makes
is so clean, it is very difficult to get the soap off. Makes for a nicer
smelling boat though.

We Have Wind

We have some wind at last and have hit a top speed of 15.5 knots while
surfing down a wave. Very exciting stuff. If we can keep our current average
speed of 8.6 knots up, we'll be in Salvador by Thursday evening, sipping
cold cervesa, eating rare steak and checking out the hot, hot chicks. Well,
only me really, because the other three are married men and and and... okay,
they're men too, so will also be reading the menu.

Motoring

There is absolutely no wind, so we're motoring at the moment and have been
for about twelve hours. None of us have been able to work out how the
motoring penalty works. Whichever way, we expect to get kicked right back to
the back of the fleet again, unless the others are motoring as well. Let's
hope they are.

Yesterday, the leading catamaran, Extasea, did 129 nautical miles, which is
very impressive, considering the lack of wind. What is even more impressive
is that he still claims not to have done any motoring, while others, who
admit
to motoring yesterday, only managed 90-ish miles in the same wind
conditions. Very suspicious m'lordship?

And the wind prospects for today? It's likely to be just as bad as
yesterday. I know of only one place where there is less wind and that is the
Vaal Dam during the annual Round The Island Regatta.

The Sleeping Chef

It's 18:00 and Loram is on cooking duty and is asleep. We've decided to let
him get his beauty-sleep and see how this pans out. By the way, he prepared
a standard grade lunch today, which left us hungry. Would you call Cheese
Nik Naks, olives and gherkins an adequate lunch?

It's now 18:15 and we usually eat before sunset. Earlier, he promised to
bake a loaf of bread, which takes at least two hours, so at the earliest,
we'll eat at 20:15, unless he lied about baking bread.

18:20. Well, that attempt to embarrass him into raising his standards has
just fallen as flat as a kiddie orchestra. He's just appeared in the galley,
rubbing more than his eyes.

The Boys Are Getting Bored

Loram (the very same one that is heading for a new nixname - if only we
could think of an appropriate one), found a syringe in the toolbox. We now
have a video clip of him spraying Steve while Steve was asleep on watch.
That's minus points for Steve for being asleep on watch and minus points for
Loram because the trajectory of the water looks very suspicious. I'll post
the video clip, if we ever get to Salvador, so that you can make your own
mind up.

Goble-Warming Paddles the Atlantic

For those that don't know Goble-Warming, let me introduce you too our
Iron-Man Grandpa. He's done more Duzi Canoe marathons than God, he's sailed
in a Hobie World Championship (and is happy to admit coming last), he's won
a prize for owning the oldest Hobie at the National Championships, he and
his eldest son won the 'father and son' Duzi title way back in the distant
past and so on.

This afternoon, he hankered for some exercise, so untied my plastic kayak
and went for a paddle. We think he should write a letter to the Guinness
Book of Records, requesting acknowledgement of being the only person in the
world to have paddled a kayak across the middle of the Atlantic and he
didn't have to be rescued.

Swimming Again.

Just because there was so little wind (the fishing lines were hanging
straight down) we decided to drop the sails, yet again, and go for another
swim. This time, I remembered that not only do I own an underwater camera, I
also have a underwater housing for my point-n-shoot camera - so that makes
two cameras that we could have taken some snaps with during yesterday's
swim. Enough about my poor memory and more on our ex-Springbok gymnast.
Naturally, I asked Steve to dive in, this time with me already in the water,
pointing the camera approximately where he should enter the water. We've
just downloaded the photos to my laptop and noticed that Steve's shorts are
down by his knees. Don't worry Jenny (Steve's wife), only the plankton could
see anything significant.

Another Slow Day

This is getting frustrating and the forecast is for yet another day of very
light winds, cloudless skies and perfect beach weather. Don't the weather
Gods know that we're still a thousand miles or so from tantalising
Brazilians bikinis that are barely covering tantalising Brazilians? We're
currently doing 2 knots, which means another 500 hours of sailing or 21
days.

A Message From Loram

Howzit

I have eventually crumbled under the pressure to put an update on the blog
here goes

I have had some deep thoughts on the "graveyard" shift as one would and I
must say St Helena is a really nice place in fact I think its the nicest
place we have been to so far on this trip. Besides the fact that there is
zero crime , friendly and happy people , all that interesting history
stuff - they also have the best selection of beer I have ever come across-
there is Windhoek Lager , Windhoek Lager or Windhoek Draft - We opted for
the draft- that was purely a financial decision - £1.20 for a Lager and
£1.50 for a draft.

We have a fruit "basket"/ crate tied underneath the table in the cockpit and
we only have a few oranges and a couple grapefruit left but they are all
looking a bit tired now- the oranges aren't as sweet as they were last week
and you first have to bite through a millimetre of crystallised salt - I
think it would be better to save them for a tequila in Brazil. So there's
our daily supply of vitamin C - talking about vitamins and minerals - Nix my
thoughts are with you on that "protein free" diet.

Food wise - you can see the back of the fridge now when you open it - not
that its open for long otherwise John gets the shits. We bought far too many
pork sausages - I don't know what we were thinking but we are trying to get
creative with them especially Pete Goble - his pork pie was definitely the
most original - it also lasted the longest - in fact the last piece
dislodged from the back of my throat last night ( blow back from Steve's
famous 3rd attempt - mince curry).

Don't know if Johns told you but if he has here's my version - we had a tuna
fish follow us for the entire day yesterday John tried his best to catch him
but no luck. The fish had a nasty graze on his back and one of the theories
is that he was using the boat for protection against sharks etc. - I don't
know enough about it to comment, anyway , the wind died yesterday evening
and we took the sails down and went for a swim I tried but could not see him
anywhere- then when we were finished and started going again the fish was
back. We had a look again this morning but he is gone - maybe he was taken
by a shark but I think he was swimming to close to the back of the port side
hull at the wrong time -Johns shit house - without a doubt the most
dangerous section of the boat.

As far as distance covered - if this was the comrades up-run we would be on
the Harrison Flats - that's past half way But far from the finish - And its
not that flat either.

Anyway thanks for the all the sms's . Vague memory from LDYC - howzit Ron
and Lloyd

We're No Longer Coming Last!!!

You may have noticed that I am not happy about the way the handicaps have
been calculated and the way the penalty for motoring has been applied. With
this in mind and in order to make us feel better about how we are doing,
from the daily position report that we receive from Race HQ, I've deleted
the monohulls and sorted the positions for the catamarans, and as of
yesterday, we're coming 5th, which too us, sounds much better than last
week's 31st position.

03 Extasea - no motoring
06 Alleycat - 25.25 hours motoring
08 Island Fling 28.7167 hours motoring
16 Branec - no motoring
23 Stingo - 39.63 hours motoring
26 Zeal-o-Cat - 55.75 hours motoring
27 Myrtle - 61.5 hours motoring
28 Privateer - 83 hours motoring
29 Zab-a-Cat - 88 hours motoring
31 Goody - 58.25 hours motoring
(the first number is our position amongst the monorats)

We are pleased to note that Extasea has yet to declare any motoring, which
he has no doubt done. We are also pleased to note that two other entries
that have only recently admitted too motoring, have dropped to the very,
very bottom of the catamaran league. Branec, who is French and therefore
probably has wires touching in his head (the proof is that he is sailing a
very high performance trimaran which cannot be comfortable at sea) will
probably drop in performance in these very light winds. So all in all, we
are optimistic that we could sneak into 3rd place, or better, at some stage.

EDIT: Having said that and knowing all about commentator's curse, we could
just as easily sneak back into 31st place.

Lonely Fish

Yesterday, Loram, the very same one who is heading for a new nixname,
spotted a fish swimming next to Stingo. There are a few things that we've
noticed about it:
- It has an injury right near its tail. We think it may have got a little
close to our propeller, which spins even when the engine is off.
- It stays in the shadow of Stingo, perhaps seeking some sort of protection
while it recuperates.
- It desperately needs a fishhook attached to its mouth so that we can have
fresh tuna for lunch.

So Where is the Closest Land

There was no wind at all. Stingo's sails were flapping. It was as hot as
hell in mid-Atlantic so we dropped the sails and all went swimming. So how
far is the closest land, I hear you ask. About five miles away - straight
down.

The Baartfellow, being an ex-Springbok gymnast, decided to take a short run
from the roof of Stingo and dive into the briny. I decided it would be a
good photo opportunity. I now have proof of why he is an EX-Springbok
gymnast. He has absolutely zero style at all. Faaaark all. Nada. Zip.....
Yep, his legs were bent and far apart, his back was arched and his hair was
out of place.

Sleeping, Watchkeeping and Readiing SMSs'

It's time to put our heads together and find Loram a new nickname. His wife
Nix, sends at least ten SMS's too him a day. The problem is that my ancient
SatPhone can only hold ten messages before it deletes the earliest one - do
you remember the days when your cell phone did that? So this morning, I had
to break a house-rule and wake Loram up - just so that he could read all his
fan mail before it all got deleted by the latest offerings. Normally, we
would only wake someone if it is there turn to go on watch. So Mrs Nixname
(watch this space as the corny ideas develop), it's all your fault that
Loram is getting no sleep.

A Message From Pete Goble-Warming

A big thank you to our loved ones and friends for messages of love and
encouragement. With ten days to go, we are thinking of our families and
missing you a lot.

Some facts:
- We averaged 5.7 knots to St Helena, having sailing a distance of 1737
nautical miles
- We are now 4.5 days out of St Helena and our average speed is 5.8 knots,
with 1285 nautical miles to go to Salvador.
- We have sailed most of the way with the spinnaker up.
- The yacht is steered by autopilot, which is controlled by pushing buttons.
- The watch system is 3 hours on, 6 hours off and every 4th day someone is
the cook and they don't stand watch.
- The wind is very consistent from the south east making for easy sailing on
a broad-reach.
- We make water every 2nd day using a desalinator and have a hot shower
every 2nd day.
- We are enjoying the journey and each other's company.

Another Quiet Day

It's another perfect day. The wind strength and direction couldn't much
better and nothing worth reporting has happened. In fact, since leaving St
Helena four days ago, we haven't seen another yacht or ship - it's just us
out here in this liquid desert.

A Message for Lloyd

Yes, we are getting your SMS's on the SatPhone and Peter says there is no
need to bring up the past so often! The rest of us want more spilt beans
please.

Loram, the Cook

After more than two weeks at sea, the tales of failed deeds are starting to
come out. This morning, Loram told us about the time he was living in a digs
and one of the girls gave him the "There are no cleaning & cooking fairies
living here, you know" speech. He promised her that he'd cook and clean that
night. Having no idea how to cook and being an industrious sort, he heads
off to the local takeaway and buys a nice sauce that he can simply pour over
the rice he planned to cook. One cup each should do it, he thinks to himself
and you all know how that ended in him trying to hide all the extra rice.
The next morning, the girl that had enlightened him about the lack of
cleaning & cooking fairies says to him "Peter, I found the container from
the takeaway place, in the rubbish bin".

He didn't learn his lesson. This morning he decided to make to popcorn. He
made the same mistake as he did with the rice and there was popcorn
everywhere.

A Message for Nicky Loram

Baartman cannot type.
Goble-warming is just as bad.
Your husband says he wouldn't know what to say.
So I am sorry, despite your request for blog updates by the rest of the
crew, they have politely declined.

Fishing and finishing

In the interests of protecting the few fish that are left in the oceans,
we've stopped fishing until further notice or until we run out of frozen
protein, which is a strong possibility because of the low speeds we are
achieving - there is nothing consistent about the trade winds. Yesterday, we
endured doldrums like conditions and were pleased with 0.5 knots of speed,
so who knows when we will actually make it to Salvador.

This fish-hugger attitude came about when we hooked a big one. No matter how
much we tightened the friction control on the reel, it still screamed. The
tip of the rod was bent so far over that it was parallel to the water (we
have short & very stiff Marlin type rods). The boat speed dropped three
knots as opposed to not dropping at all when we reeled in our other catches
and then the line snapped. I thought a firecracker had gone off. And now
some poor fish is swimming around with a nasty pink plastic squid attached
to it's mouth and half of the line from my reel trailing behind it. Hope his
mates don't notice his "lip-ring" and give him a hard time about his choice
of colour?

Points Table Update III

Baartman: plus 830
Perry: plus 490
Loram: plus 30
Goble: minus 40

The Baartfellow will probably not be caught.

Even More on Cheating

Thanks to Steve Martin for letting us know what our current penalty status
is. We think it is because of the number of hours of motoring that we've
done, multiplied by 1.5. We have noted that there are entrants that are
claiming "No Motoring", yet they have had to purchase over 500 litres of
diesel in St Helena!!! Very, very suspicious in my view.

To be frank, the four of us are getting pretty pissed off with the way the
cruising class is being run and feel that the "racing" part of it is a
complete farce eg, when we motor, we do about 4 knots. The 1.5 penalty
equates to us doing 6 knots, which we simply don't do. Most of the fleet can
motor at speeds in excess of 6 knots and therefore have no penalty against
them when motoring. We feel the motoring should be penalised on distance
motored, not time.

Ah well, we're still enjoying ourselves, which is the main thing.

Steve is Hero of the Day

There was bugger all wind. The sea was flat and glassy and Steve was just
nosing about and noticed that the one solar panel had no wires coming out of
it. The way they are bolted onto Stingo makes it very difficult to see.
Anyway, he did and Operation Solar Power commenced. We removed the panel and
connected up the wires which were just lying loose on top of the bimini and
now we're getting a regular 10 amps going into the batteries.

It's the sort of build error that could have gone unnoticed for years, so I
put a motion forward to the rest of the crew that we make a special award to
Steve of a cold, cold beer and 500 points. Being the gentleman that he is,
he graciously accepted and insisted that we too have a cold one with him.
Steve now leads the points table by miles.

Not Much Too Report

We've left St Helena, which Loram and Steve enjoyed because they were able
to do a bit of Tommy-tourist, while Goble caught up on his laundry and I
fixed a few things on the boat.

The tourists report seeing the Governor's House, the oldest tortoise in the
world that is about 150 years old (Loram is having memory problems with the
details - which might have something to do with the beers he consumed at
lunch) and some pretty scenery. Goble did climb Jacob's Ladder - a staircase
of 699 stairs, which the locals proudly say used to be 701 stairs until they
built the road. He was stiff yesterday.

The check-in with customs & immigration was hugely expensive - it cost us
over R1300 (approx US$ 130) and should we have stayed, would have entitled
us to a month on the island.

More on Cheating

I am also ashamed to admit coming from the same yacht club as the boat
Goody, who is currently in 3rd position on corrected time.

Before the race started, the cheating little bible-puncher* claimed his boat
weighed 9.5 tons, (which it probably does) and declared it to the race
organisers for his handicap rating calculation. It is well known that he has
every sort of toy (for his young son) and every sort of toy (for his age
group) stashed on board - drum sets, scuba gear and compressor, kayaks and
so on. The weight that our wannabe missionary should have declared, is the
boat's empty weight, so probably closer too the 4 ton mark. No wonder he is
coming third. Wanna know who is going to point out his huge indiscretion?
Oui, moi.

*The type of bible-puncher that when pissed in a pub, which I am sure is a
good christen thing to do so long as you're only taking several wee drops of
red wine in the interests of communion, everyone avoids because he gets on
his pulpit and tries to convert you.

St Helena & some idle chatter.

We pulled the spinnaker down just before sunset last night - I wanted to
slow down so that we wouldn't arrive in St Helena in the dark. With just the
genoa out, we slowed down a lot and will probably only get to the anchorage
by about midday SA time.

We put a few beers in the fridge last night and there is much excited natter
about cracking the first one in nearly two weeks. Bet they go straight to
our mouths?

Peter and Steve had a moment of restlessness yesterday and decided to hose
down the decks. They found an enormous amount of long, black hair and wanted
to know who I'd had on board in Cape Town. They wouldn't believe that I had
had a very sexy mother and her daughter on board for a few days. It's just a
pity they belong to a friend of mine and I could nothing about it.

Goble-Warming, the Baker

We're having a mini-bakeathon at the moment. Loram shouldn't change career.
Myself and NFS are yet to test our skills, but Goble-Warming has exceeded
himself and produced a stunning loaf of bread. Who would have thought that
the epitome of non-domestic skills could do it?

A Message for Nick Goble

Nick, Goble-Warming wishes you all the best for the Duzi Canoe Marathon this
weekend and also admits that our chances of getting Duzi-guts, despite being
thousands of miles away, are good. He is on cooking duty again today, so
please wish us well too.

North vs South

Now that I am half way across the South Pond and having crossed the North
Pond twice, I feel that I am amply qualified to make judgement on which is
the easier ocean to cross. The South wins hands-down. The swells are
smaller, the winds lighter and there are fewer rain squalls. The problem for
you northern hemisphere types with pond crossing ambitions, is that to get
here, you'll probably have to sail along the South African coast, before
getting to your start point of Cape Town, which is the nastiest piece of
water that I have ever sailed.

We're Probably Still Coming Last

There's been a breakdown in communication and we haven't had a race position
report from the organisers for three days now. We know that Lady Grey has
pulled out of the race and that there is one other boat behind us that has a
long story. So we think we are still coming stone last on handicap. But
then, I never was happy with our handicap. On a positive note, at least the
quality of the cooking has gone up now that all Knorr products are off the
menu. Last night, Loram cooked a great roast chicken and got himself 10
bonus points for his efforts. Definitely the meal of the trip so far, with
roast spuds and veg.

St Helena

This time tomorrow morning, we should be anchored off St Helena. It's been
slow getting here and I cannot for the life of me think any anything else to
say about getting there.

Sailors and Their Superstitions

Sailors are a superstitious lot - never whistle while aboard because it
whistles up an ill wind. Never mention those fluffy little creatures with
big floppy ears that hide chocolate eggs (I don't have a clue why you cannot
mention them). Renaming your ship will cause you to founder. Never, never
leave on a voyage on a Friday. Now this creates a problem for us. We are due
to arrive in St Helena on Thursday and have to stay there for 24 hours (race
rules), which means we will leave for Salvador on .. err, umm... Friday!!! I
am not a superstitious sort, but why take a chance, so fuck that! I think I
need to fire off an email to the race committee about getting permission to
shorten our stay in St Helena or even give the place a complete miss. Or we
need to slow down, so that we arrive on Friday. With our present rate of
knots, we then increase the chances of not making it to Salvador in time for
the prize-giving party, which would also be really bad luck. Oh dear, the
conflicts of interest are challenging.

Just an aside on those egg-hiding creatures, I bet HFS wished we had one
aboard (though, I am sure he doesn't appreciate the untold bad luck that
would bring us)- he's nearly finished our entire stock of chocolate, which
is just plain bad luck for him.

Points Table Update II

While NFS was on watch yesterday evening, he had two rods out. What are the
chances of both rods screaming at the same time? Not good I would say, but
with the double haul from the fishing points available, NFS goes into the
lead.
NFS Baartman: plus 330 (two fish and shared points with Loram)
Perry: plus 290 (lost points for the nasty meal)
Loram: plus 60 (also caught a fish, but needed help in landing it - wimp!)
Peter Goble-Warming: minus 40 (he's stopped wearing his grundies/Speedo in
public, so we gave him a bonus of 10 points)

More on Food

Fresh food doesn't last too long, especially in a damp environment - but you
knew that already, but I thought a gentle reminder may be in order, just to
remind you of some of the challenges we face. We still have oranges and a
few apples, which have both lasted the distance quite nicely. This morning,
Peter Goble-Warming said that the oranges are starting too taste like a
tennis ball. I've never lost a bet involving having to eat a tennis ball and
Goble-Warming is denying having ever lost a bet, so I have to wonder how he
knows what a tennis ball tastes like? At least the tomatoes that
Goble-Warming bought from the Alphen Farm Stall have been brilliant and are
still looking good for the next week.

Cooking Challenges.

Last night, it was my turn to cook. I thought that a nice Alfredo pasta
would go down a treat, with tinned ham, mushrooms and spinach in a nice
creamy sauce. The first disaster occurred when the key to the tinned ham
broke. Not a problem says I, I'll whip out my fancy tin opener. The tin
opened stripped itself and was promptly thrown overboard. Not a problem says
I, I'll whip out my faithful Swiss Army Knife. Did you know that a Swiss
Army Knife cannot open those pesky square tins? Not a problem says I, I'll
use a pair of pliers to wind off the thing that the original key from the
tin was meant to do. Did you know that you can only do that will bull-nosed
pliers. In the end, and with incredible guts and determination, I persevered
with my Swiss Army Knife and managed to remove the ham from the tin.

The directions on the nice creamy sauce simply say (and I quote) "Empty
packet into a jug. Fill up to 250 ml mark with rapidly boiling water. Stir
for a minute. Mention how it took hours". Knorr, despite the enticing
looking picture on the packet, which is enough to whet anyone's appetite,
your Bacon Carbonara sauce tastes horrible, truly horrible - even when
disguised with garlic (which Goble didn't notice and claims to be able to
smell a mile away and who claims that the meal was edible - how polite!)

NFS (Nicotine Free Steve) had seconds, but it would be wishful thinking to
think that it had anything to do with the quality of the food.

Some Damage

We've had our first breakage. The DuoGen water turbine's shaft has sheared.
For those that don't know what a DuoGen does, it drags along behind the boat
causing it's propeller to spin. This spins a generator, which creates
electricity, which contributes to the charging of the boat batteries.

Fortunately, it was only a contributor to the battery charging system. We
still have the solar panels and alternators on the engines. But this does
mean that we will have to run the engines every day now, which isn't really
a bad thing because the watermaker also runs off an engine, so we can top up
at the same time.

So how did it break? It is undoubtedly my fault. I left a piece of rope on
the shaft - yep, just too lazy to remove it - and the rope caught in the
prop, which would have stopped the propeller spinning instantly. The inertia
of the generator would have snapped the shaft. Once again, laziness has been
the route cause of creating unnecessary work.

Nicotine Free Tales

This morning, even before the sun had shown its first rays,
Nicotine-Free-Steve (NFS) was into the fridge. Out come the bread, butter
and last night's left over curried mince and NFS started building himself a
substitute for his usual early morning fag. The rest of us are not convinced
about his choice of a finishing touch. Would you add a slice of cheese too a
curried mince sandwich? I thought not.

He finished that lot off and then munched half a slab of chocolate and a
large bowl of muesli.

Callum & Greenwich

Friends of mine back in the UK, Alistair & Kirsty Richardson, have a young
son by the name of Callum. He was born with serious heart problems and the
little fighter is very lucky to be alive today. Anyway, I promised young
Callum that I'd throw a message-in-a-bottle into the sea on his behalf.
We'll cross the Greenwich Meridian later today, which is when I'll toss the
bottle.

This is the message:
Dear Beach Comber
Should you find this bottle please would you contact me. My name is Callum
Richardson and when the bottle was thrown from the sailing boat, Stingo, on
the 13th Jan 2009, I was just over 2 years old. I have spent a lot of my
life in hospital where surgeons have done a fantastic job on my heart.
20° 34.125S 000° 00.00W
(email and postal address supplied).
Thank you and wishing you a very bright future.
Callum Richardson

Callum, the crew on Stingo wish you well and should someone contact you,
please let us know.

Peter (Goble), the Poet

Captain John has brought us along on Stingo's maiden journey
So passed a third of a beginning now just ending.
He's drawn a line, we've towed just fine.
But he gets pissed off with the amount of water we use.

Sudoku Steve forsook the weed
He denies all mortal craving
But up at dawn, eyebrows drawn and pacing on the foredeck
He eats for three, we've offered tea,
But in fact we couldn't give a rats arse.

Now Smiling Pete, he dreams complete emerges from his cabin
When asking why - a blush, a sigh
Nicky we feel sorry for you.

The aged one just reads along, the only one not fishing
No points thus scored, but never bored
A lifetime dream fulfilling.
So thank the sea, the wind and stars, the sun and moon above us.
No God for me, but we can see creation in the making.
For those who pray may have their say, for them there is an answer.

To appreciate the universe, you need to be here.

(Pete says the inspiration came from Loram's classic comment; "I woke up
just in time - it could have got messy down there".)

The Points Table So Far

Perry plus 300
Baartman plus 130
Loram plus 30
Goble minus 50

Loram made a remarkable comeback this morning by reeling in a nice Dorado,
which he released.

Watchkeeping

It's incredible, once we reached the so called trade winds we put the
spinnaker up and have not adjusted it once since. So that's four days now.
It could be five actually, the days are blurring into each other. It's also
been six days since we've seen a ship and since leaving Cape Town, we've
only spotted one other competitor . He called us up and we had a nice long
chat over the VHF. Predictably, he then fired up his engine and disappeared
over the horizon. He admits too motoring for four or five hours a day or
when his boat is doing less than 4.5 knots and thinks most of the fleet are
doing the same. He motors along at over 6 knots. We're lucky to do 4.5 under
engines. No wonder we're coming last - we've only done a total of 168 NM
under engines, which doesn't help much.

Back to the watch keeping. Except for the stars, there's not much to see.

It's Nice Out Here

Last night, there was hardly a cloud in the sky. The moon was full and we're
bumbling along in a gentle 12 knots of wind. There being no city lights or
pollution to mask the stars, one really gets to appreciate just how many
there actually are. I wish I knew how to photograph the night sky
successfully - mission impossible while bobbing about on a boat that never
stays still enough for the slow, slow shutter speed that I think would be
required. You're just going to have to try imagine it.

Dress Code Aboard Stingo

The Goble-warming fellow has obviously spent too much time in the sun.
Yesterday, he arrived in the cockpit in his grundies, which have a
remarkable resemblance to a Speedo. We docked him 50 points for poor form.

Being Skipper

Being skipper has its challenges. I am sure the others may be thinking that
I am a bit of a nag-bag. I am constantly saying things like close that, turn
this off, don't leave that there... and so on. In my defence, things need to
be closed, turned off and left where they won't slide off and smash. And
we're using far too much water.

Anyway, last night we all sat in the saloon telling stories. It was a
brilliant evening, with many deep-belly laughs. A few beers would have gone
down a treat. Ah well, only a few days until we reach St Helena and will
have to pay about R50 for a beer! That's going to be hard to swallow, when
we're used to paying R10.

This morning while on my watch, I spotted another sailing boat on the
horizon. He actually called us up on the VHF and we compared notes. Because
of the light winds, he has been motoring for about five hours a day and
hasn't declared it yet. We've declared our motoring (a total of 168.8NM),
which may help explain why we are coming second last, because the adjustment
has probably already been taken into account.

Dorado for Lunch

Perry takes yet another 100 points in the fishing league. I reeled in a
lovely pan-sized Dorado this morning, which makes me very happy - Dorado is
my favourite fish.

There are three noses aboard, that are getting seriously out of joint, since
Steve is the only other one to have landed a fish.

Goble Hits the Galley

Pete Goble decided that tonight is the night that he was going to bake a
pie. For readers that don't know Goble, his culinary CV is short. Very
short. Before the trip, his enduring wife had a few attempts at teaching him
to cook. Before we left Cape Town, she was not over enthusiastic about her
success.

The galley currently looks like a Goble has hit it, Pete has stumped his toe
and smoke is pouring out of the oven. I think it may be due to
Pete-made-Goble-warming.

Raymarine

When I arrived in Cape Town, I got hold of Raymarine, who supplied all the
instruments on my boat and pointed out a few problems. They sent a
throw-back from Hitler's Youth to sort it out. I was not impressed with him.
Never have I met someone so rude and difficult and I put in a complaint via
the Raymarine website (they have yet to reply).

Anyway, Hitler's son sorted the E80 out and it no longer blinks, but the
Tridata still resets itself for no reason. I hope the Raymarine people in
Brazil can at least offer a smile when greeting you.

What's Happening in the World?

Answers by SMS to the SatPhone please:
What is the US$/Rand exchange rate?
Has Mugabe been killed yet?
Is there any sports news we need to know about?
Has Obamamama made any faux pas' yet?
Have GW Bush and Tony B.Liar (spelling is correct) been indicted for war
crimes?
Anything else of minor interest?

Thanks.

Smoking

Steve has had his last smoke.

Watch this space for some exaggerated tales of edginess.

Handicaps

Every day, Eric our kindly race officer, emails us with the latest
positions. Yes, we are coming almost stone last. There are two boats behind
us and one hasn't left Cape Town yet. I mentioned this in another update and
someone was kind enough to send an SMS saying that we are actually lying
3rd. They may be right, because we've been flying along nicely, but it would
be our actual position as opposed to our adjusted position on handicap and
we have been given a very bad handicap. For instance; there is a 45 foot
catamaran that has much, much more sail area than us and he has a better
handicap than us. Another cat, which is very, very similar to us, has a
better handicap than us and he is lying 2nd after adjustment.

There is definitely something amiss with the handicap system.

Globle Warming

Things are changing out here. On my first crossing in 2004, at night, I saw
plenty of phosphoresce. On my second crossing in 2007, I saw less, but it
was still present and accounted for. On this crossing, I am sad to report
that I have seen none.

Anyone that says that global warming isn't happening, is simply naive.

Photographs

We're snapping away and once in Brazil, I'll add photos to most of these
updates. Our connection for the updates is simply too slow to handle even a
small photo.

Peter, the Baker

Being mum today, Peter Loram decided he would do his best to bake a loaf of
bread. The problem is that I thought I could remember Matt's (whom I crossed
the Atlantic with just over a year ago) recipe. I failed, and the bread was
very savoury. I think it had too much butter. Matt, if you read this, please
SMS your recipe to my SatPhone. Ta

The stew he cooked, was great though, despite it not having any chunks of
beef - only mince.

Meanwhile, Down at the Heineken Tent

Meanwhile, down at the Heineken tent, Steve's fish, the one that I told you
about earlier in the "fishing" update, has been joined by a young up-start
that has now also spent time aboard Stingo, this time adding 100 points to
John's robust tally.

As all good fishermen know, fish don't bite during the day or during a full
moon. Steve & the two Peters are showing their complete ignorance by
refusing to pull the lines in during these non-productive times. Being a
sailing (and fishing - for those that haven't noticed) purist, I cannot
convince them that dragging the lures is slowing Stingo down by at least 1
knot and hence, we're still coming stone last.

What happened?

Someone sent an SMS saying Petersen got dropped as captain of England and
Peter Moore got fired? Why and who is Peter Moore?

A Message From Grandpa Goble

Thanks for the SMS girls. Am missing you and I love you lots.

After being in the doldrums for a few days, we're now flying along at
between 7 & 8 knots.

Fishing

You may recall our points system and there being 100 points going to the
person on watch, if a fish is caught. Yesterday, while Loram was on watch,
the reel screamed. As you can imagine, Peter got all excited about going
from a nasty negative tally in the points race, to a nice big positive one.
The fish got away. Loram, you're going to have to learn to reel 'em in.

Not too long after, when Steve had just gone on shift, the reel screamed
again. 100 points to the Baart-fellow. He landed his catch successfully and,
this time, I took the photos, which are in focus.

Steve is now in the lead with the points and fortunately for the fish, Steve
gave him another chance, so he is safely back at sea telling his mates a
fishy tale about how he sailed on the good ship Stingo, in the Heineken Cape
to Bahia Yacht Race.

More on Motoring

Someone asked about the rules regarding motoring, so here's the simple
answer. We're allowed to motor for a total of 500 nautical miles. At the end
of the race, we have to declare how far we motored and our times are
adjusted using some fancy formula.

If you do a Google search for "Cape to Salvador Race", you'll find a link
where you can download all the race regulations. Note that the original
motoring allowance was 200 NM and was increased the day before the start. I
think the organisers knew we were in for incredibly light winds and it would
be a bit embarrassing if they held the prize giving while 95% of the fleet
were still at sea! Hope everyone can afford the cost of the extra diesel,
because boats definitely do not very many miles to the litre.

Come on, fans.

Loram & Baartman are receiving loads and loads of SMSs from their meagre fan
club. Meanwhile Goble and myself, sit here wondering if have even one fan
between us? Come on peeps, surely you lot are not completely computer
illiterate? On seconds thoughts, maybe you are. Hmmm?

That Didn't Work

I waited patiently until Pete Loram was on watch, I waited for a quiet
moment. I snuck into the heads with the hand-held radio and called. He
immediately says to Steve, why is John calling us on radio?

Watch this space for the next cunning plot.

Dear Wives & Children, SARS and Bank Managers

Dear wives, children, SARS and Bank Managers

We've just spent some time learning how to make a route on the chart
plotter. At the press of a button, we can now calculate our time of arrival
in Salvador. At our present speed, we should be crossing the finish line on
the 22 February 2009 at 23:18. This being late on a Monday night, we feel it
would only be fair for us to fly back to South Africa the following week, so
as not to miss the usual Friday party atmosphere of Brazil, their scantily
dressed girls and cheap beer.

With this in mind, please make provision for not receiving your unnecessary
VAT returns, interest payments and all other unreasonable demands on time.
For you girls, the good news is that you can rent your personal trainers for
an additional four weeks.

Love & kisses

Peter, Peter & Steve.

Message From Steve

We've seen dolphins, we've seen penguins, we've seen whales - but only their
dorsal fins. We've seen flat, flat, flat and windless conditions. We haven't
been poisoned yet by the poor standard of cooking. And we've seen flying
fish. There were also some things that looked like mushrooms with the same
sort of tentacles that a jelly fish has. John wanted to add them too the
chicken pasta. Pete Goble thinks they are poisonous. Peter Loram is dreaming
about Nicky. We're still coming stone last.

Love Steve

Goble Nearly Scored 100 Points

We have this points system for the trip. When we arrive in Salvador, the
person with the least amount of points has to buy two cases of beer for the
boat. It works something like this:
- you forget to turn off a light, minus 10 points.
- you spill sugar in the freezer or do something equally as stupid, minus 10
points.
- you get hit in the eye by a flying fish, plus 50 points.
- you catch a fish and actually land it successfully, plus 100 points (the
person on-watch owns the rod)
... and so on.

This morning, I got myself all muddled with the change of watch time and
tried to convince Goble that he was about to start his watch at 9:00 am
(minus 10 points to Perry). Unfortunately for Goble, he didn't fall for it.
Unfortunate for him, because very soon after, the fishing rod screamed and I
had myself 100 points and it's a perfect for the pan, fresh tuna for dinner
tonight.

As for Loram, he has no idea about how to use a simple point-and-shoot
camera. Despite me being fully focused on landing my catch, not one photo is
in focus. Minus 10 points for you Loram.

Sports News Update

Please would someone be kind enough send an SMS with the 3rd test Cricket
results? If the ODI's have started, how are we doing? And if we kicked the
Auzzies arses, yet again, and if you're in Cape Town, please find Andy from
Impiana and rub it in on our behalf.

Ta.

Our Resident Sprinkbok

Steve has the displeasure of sleeping in the very, very forward cabin. He
quite accurately describes it as "the coffin".

When we are heading into wind, which we are doing at the moment, "the
coffin" is the last place you'd want to rest your weary head. You will get
bounced and tossed. But that's ok. You see, in his day, Steve was a
Springbok gymnast, so for him, this trip is a trip down the memory lane of
tumbles, flick-flacks, somersaults and unexplained bruises, so he probably
feels at home.

So Here's the Plan

Credit for this prank goes to Matthew Steadman of the good ship Mojomo.

Peter Loram has admitted that he is very nervous about using the radio, so
this is the perfect prank to play on him. I'll wait until he is on watch and
everyone else is "asleep" (they will be briefed about the prank, so will
pass the buck back to Peter either way). From my cabin and using the
hand-held VHF, I will call Stingo up on the radio. If he bangs on my cabin
door, I'll ask him to handle the radio call. He does have a radio license,
after all.

John Perry: (always using a phoney French accent): Would the catamaran on a
course of approximately 330° please identify yourself? (Continue calling
until Peter answers, but each time with more urgency).
Peter Loram: Yes, this is the sailing vessel Stingo, Over.
John: s'il vous plaît, chaaaange to shanel zuro ses. Over (which is the
channel used for general chit-chat).
Peter: zero six.

crackle, crackle.

John: 'ullo Stingo, this is Anid Somme Flang (I need some flange - if spoken
with an English accent). 'ave you seen us. Over.
Peter: No. Where are you?
John: Do you not see us on your radar?
Peter: No. The radar is not on?
John: Paaardon Monsieur. You say your radar is not on? This is very, very
bad watch keeping? Monsieur, tu bois ton lait trop avec soin. (Sir, you
drink your milk too carefully). Imbecile! 'ave you seen us yet?
Peter: Hold on, I'll call the skipper.
John: Non, non, non Monsieur, you are on watch, non? I talk with you. 'ave
you seen the vessel Anid Somme Flang yet? It is a Naval submarine full of
French semen? Over.
Peter: No, where are you? Over.
John: We are right underneath you and about to surface, please keep clear.
Over.

and so on until I cannot keep it up any longer.

Will write up an extensive post-match diagnosis if I can pull it off.

A Fair Swap

My favourite new T-shirt, the green one with the nice Heineken Cape to Bahia
logo has been nicked and I've only worn it once. Yep, just once!

Yesterday, I washed it, then pegged it to the lifeline to dry along with my
tattered grundies. This morning the t-shirt had gone, clothes pegs and all.
If anyone spots a Tuna or perhaps a Dorado sporting new kit, please hook
'em, skin 'em and eat 'em alive. By the way, they'll probably stand out from
the crowd because they are probably not wearing grundies.

All is not lost though. I know Mariette from the race organisers office
reads this update. I know this because she sent a wonderful SMS to us this
morning. What a lovely lady is she. And I also know that she may just have
access to the excess stock of XL t-shirts that our kind sponsors were giving
away to all the participants. And if I ask really nicely, she may just slip
one into Eric's suitcase for personal delivery to me in Salvador.

Now a fair swap would only be fair. Guy, the friendly pharmacist gave me a
shirt as a farewell present. What he didn't notice is that it says "Ladies"
on the label. Guy, I am not the sort that wears ladies clothing, but
Mariette is. So it you don't mind, I am going to offer it too her. Mariette,
would you like a nice blue and white checked shirt with a Viagra label?

Boat Rules

We have a few rules aboard the boat, just to try keep things pleasant while
we're restricted to such a confined space. For example:
- everyone has a veto on the music that is being played.
- no music can be played if someone is sleeping.
- no clothing to be left in the saloon because it is a common area.
- if a cabin door is shut, it means the occupant of the cabin just needs a
little private time, so DO NOT disturb.
... and so on.

The last example has caused a bit of a problem. The heads on the starboard
hull are walk-through i.e. to get to the forward cabin, you must walk
through the heads. Obviously, when one visits the throne, you'd close the
two doors and being of a considerate nature, wouldn't reopen the door on the
cabin side of the heads when finished. Well, you wouldn't want to subject
your crew-mate to the stink, would you? This means that the occupant of the
cabin thinks that there is someone in the heads, so cannot come through and
those in the saloon think that the occupant on the cabin doesn't want to be
disturbed.

Poor Steve stayed in the forward cabin for far longer than he wanted too.

Meanwhile, while back in Cape Town

Meanwhile, while we were still in Cape Town, myself and the dazed kipper
from the Auzzie boat, Impiana, were sitting at the local greasy-spoon when,
through the window, I noticed an incredibly impressive mime. "I think I'll
slip him ten bucks" says I, impressing the tight Auzzie git with my
exceptional generosity and appreciation of the arts.
"It's a fucking statue, you tosser" points out the Auzzie smart-arse.
"No it's not. Look over there, his mate is in on the act".
"For fuck sakes" says eagle-eyes, "there's bird turd on their fucking
shoulders".

I think I'd better put my ten bucks towards some new specs.

No Comment

This blog has a clever moderator facility where I can delete spam
or unwanted comments. The problem is that I cannot do it from the boat, so
those of you who have left comments, they may not show until we have reached
civilisation, when I can approved them. Please don't let this stop you from
leaving your comments. Oh yes, and the SMS's that have been sent, have been
much appreciated. Thanks

We've Joined the Ranks of the Cheats

The wind is currently blowing a steady 2 knots, gusting to 4 knots, which
means we would get to Brazil in about early March. I am just not convinced
that the entire month of February is sufficient time for the three wives to
forgive me for keeping their husbands at sea for so long. I am sure they'd
take it in turns to kill me, which means I'd have to kill them back! Plus
we'd run out of wild, exaggerated tales of other peoples foolishness.
And we're crap at fishing, so would run out of food. So I've
fired up the engines in order to do my bit for world peace and fish
conservation.

On Board Pharmacy

Thanks to a friend of mine called Guy, who owns a pharmacy in Cape Town, we
probably have one of the most advance and well prepared First Aid Kits of
the entire fleet. We even have a saline drip, which Pete Goble, our resident
dairy farmer, says he will be able to plug in when appropriate. So there
can't really be much difference between a cow and an injured bloke? Hmmm.

Guy, you will be pleased to note that we have found even more penicillin on
board. Pete Loram was intent on firing up the oven, only to find a baking
tray with the ruminants of a braai (BBQ) I had aboard about three weeks ago.
There were baked potatoes and lamps chops, which definitely have the upper
hand when it comes to cultivating mould, sorry, I mean penicillin. Guy, how
to we converted the stuff into a useable format?

By the way, on discovering this hidden medicine chest, Pete immediately had
to retire to his bunk.

More Culinary Delights

Steve cooked up a nice Italian Spaghetti Bolognese a few days ago. Not being
Italian, he has never been introduced to the ways of "el dente". Pete Loram,
on the other hand has. The trouble is that his method has room for scrutiny.
Step 1: Fill bowl will spaghetti.
Step 2: Stumble as an unexpected wave clobbers the boat and toss the
spaghetti into the air and catch the empty bowl.
Step 3: Swear appropriately and then act all calm and claim that the
spaghetti is "el dente" because it has stuck everywhere.

We found another piece this morning (three days later). It was not looking
so "el dente". We believe there may still be more.

Catamarans sail flat

It's a popular myth that catamarans sail flat, i.e. not at that nasty angle
that monohull yachtsmen tend to live with. It's simply not true. Cats sail
at about 5° and as luck would have it, the wake down the side of the boat
dips just where the inlet pipe is to my toilet. This means that when I pump
my toilet, no seawater is sucked in to flush it. No you may recall that a
few days ago I was stricken with the squirts from both ends and now you may
have worked out that I am not able to flush my loo in a satisfactory way.
This means that there is still a lingering odour of puke in my heads
(shit-house for you land-lubber types). Not a problem I think, I'll simply
open the port hole and get some fresh air through the place. One awkward
wave later and my towel is drenched and I am down on my meagre supply of
toilet roll.

Yes, we do do this for fun.

Keeping things sweet

I really not sure how I managed it, but yesterday afternoon, I opened the
freezer to remove some chicken breasts in anticipation of building an
exquisite curry for dinner. First, I cleared the counter top of all the
usual debris and then lifted the lid, only to watch helplessly as the sugar
bowl took flight, did an Arabian flick-flack and emptied itself over all the
frozen food. If you know anything about sugar, you will know that it flows
and that when it flows, it flows every where.

First Complaint

We're received our first complaint. Note how I've been really sneaky and
said "we", when in fact it was directed at me. In my defence, we are a team
and I am the only one that knows how to use the confuser. So there.

Just to appease the complainee, Loram is alive and well and making it very
difficult to say anything about, simply because he is doing no wrong.
Boring, boring. But in the long run, it's probably better than way.

By the way, he says thanks for the SMSs and sending an SMS is free for both
you and us.

Place your bets please.

Just for a little fun, we've taken a small wager between us on when we will
reach Salvador.
John Perry: 22 Jan at 16:00
Peter Loram: 24 Jan at 04:00
Steve Baartman: 24 Jan 11:30
Peter Goble: 27 Jan at 20:00

For your info, the total distance is approximately 3400 NM and we will stop
in St Helena for 24 hours.

SMS your best guesses too us please (scroll down an look in the left column
on for a link that says "Send a FEE SMS").
It may help you to look at the Google Earth link too, because there you will
see what sort of speeds we are doing. This may actually hinder you though,
because it's a instant reading that happens every four hours, so may show
our speed in a lull or possibly while we are surfing. Good luck.

Friendly Neighbours

About an hour ago, the tanker known as Madonna called us up on the VHF for a
friendly natter. They are en-route to Holland and are going the long way
around, so as to avoid the pirate area of Somalia. We think that the extra
bunker fuel that they burner is much, much cheaper than the increased
insurance premiums and pirates ransom.

We explained to him why we are out here and told him that there were at
least thirty yachts ahead of us (yes, we're very close to the back of the
fleet, but we don't cheat by using our engines) and he promised faithfully
to step up his watchkeeping. Thank you too you and your crew, Madonna.

Giving Up Smoking

Steve has run out of his favourite blend of weed. This was planned and is
his mad method of giving up. Steve, a boat is a small place. There is
nowhere to hide and when you get ratty and short tempered, there is no
corner shop nearby. Did you really want to do this to the rest of your
peace-loving crew members?

Watch this space for more nicotine free tales.

Watermaker Problems

We've already used about 150 litres of water, which is a huge amount,
considering the tight regime of shower ethics - wet yourself, turn the
shower off, lather up, play with yourself, lather up and finally a quick
rinse off. I've also never come across a bunch that drinks so much tea, and
being properly trained by their wives, they always, well nearly always rinse
their mugs afterwards. Yeh right! Which doesn't help with working our where
all the water went?

Anyway, this morning I fired up the watermaker. Nothing happened. I checked,
rechecked, double trouble rechecked - ah! Some idiot had not returned one of
the seacock's back to it's correct setting. That must have been me. Right
now, we pumping about 40 litres for hour back into the water tank.

We're hurtingly along nicely

AT long last, we've left and on our way. The first day, we had very little
wind - most of the fleet cheated and cranked up their engines and quickly
disappeared over the horizon. We have remained pure and virginal by not
using the engines.

Except for John's stomach, life aboard is starting to settle down. No one
has been seasick, but John has been squirting out of both ends - we're sure
that it's the last of beer that normally may sterilize whatever else heads
down his throat.

We've had the spinnaker up for two days now and had some nice surfing down
the moderate swells, reaching a top speed of nearly 11knots - whooooopie.
The forecast is for decreasing winds so we're unlikely to repeat that.

Steve caught a fish yesterday and Goble tried to claim the points. No way Mr
Clumsy, it was because you took the strain off the line that the fish now
has a fish tail to tell his mates in the fish bar for the next few weeks.
While we're about it, Mr Clumsy (Pete Goble) also managed to pee on his
pyjamas while he was sitting on the throne. Think about, it's quite a
difficult achievement.

More soon.